Milly

Flying in planes has never been a forte for me. Everytime i get on a plane, the smell is awful, the chemical cleaning smells, the heated food smells, people's breath all mixed in together. Just the thought of it can make me want to vomit. I literally sit with my nose and mouth buried in a paper bag for the whole journey, usually there is a nice mcDonalds meal in the bag waiting to be eaten instead of the food supplied at dinner time. This is just the start, the moment i can feel movement, i can't seem to breathe normally, and as we take off from the grounded and my ears pop, i have been known to lose my consciousness twice at this point. My sister used to carry smelling salts to bring me out of my unconscious state after the plane was settled in the air. I would then close my eyes and listen to my iPod for the remaining time telling myself not to think i was sitting in a plane. I would try to disappear into an imaginary world. This rarely worked as i was frequently brought back to the nightmare of my reality by some air hostess offering me something that i would just hurl up after consuming. It felt like my stomach had moved up to my throat and my lungs were halved in terms of capacity. Breathless, unable to eat. Hours would go by but i would not show any signs of improvement. I wouldn't even look in the direction of the window, i just wished there were no windows, just the knowledge that the view could mentally kill me was enough to make me feel dizzy just sitting in my chair. Speaking of dizzy, i would not drink anything before getting on to the plane incase i would have to use the toilet. The toilets are always so disgusting and you end up touching the toilet as you're struggling to shut the door. The smell of urine, is intense, but even before i've managed to get to this horrid place, i would find my legs going weak at the knees, i would need my sister to hold me up as i walked as i could feel the ground shaking beneath my feet. My sister used to tell me its not shaking, but i swear it felt like the floor was like that. When i used to lift myself off my chair my back and the chair would be soaked in sweat because of the fear. I always knew to bring a towel to put on the chair before i sat down.

when i went to Italy, it was the worst ever flight because there was so much turbulance on the flight, the stress made me have a nose bleed and when i saw the blood on the tissue, i fainted and there was a huge commotion on the flight as they were not convinced that it was just fainting because of the amount of blood pouring out of my nose. It was awful, i looked like i had been in a fight when i got to the airport and people were starring at my blood stained clothes.

Everytime i say, i'm never flying again..but somehow my sister always convinces me to go, she reckons if i keep facing my fears, they will eventually calm down.