Milly

Mother and toddler playgroups are a brilliant outlet for mums and kids and an excellent way of keeping terrible twos at bay. My child is typical like any other, defying instructions, doing destructive actions and waiting for a reaction from me or collapsing on the floor when forced to obey something important, even if its for her safety. I'm sure all mums can empathize very easily.

The direct conflict and verbal dialogue between you and your son/daughter spurs on these outrageous reactions! To avoid the conflict, i need to tire out my child with play, use up all that energy and curiosity which otherwise channels itself negatively, thats why i started going to mother and toddler groups every day of the week! They're so cheap and give me a chance to meet and chat with other mums, or just have some quiet time to myself while my little one is running up and down getting into the little cars, on the three wheeler bicycles, in the little plastic house, or messing about with play dough...its just a matter of letting them run free and enjoy themselves before the negativity becomes a permanent feature of their personality. I try hard to leave my child and let her get on with it at the playgroups.

My friend has got a child that has become viiolent and the violence has now become a way in which he expresses himself even when not faced with conflict, so obviously a playgroup isnt the solution for her because she spends the whole time running after her kid and telling him off for hitting other children.

She discussed the problem with me and i suggested that she starts praising anything he does even if its picking up a tissue from the floor and when she tells him off,even before he does whats right, she has to praise the idea of doing the right thing. So for example, i always say to my one, "baby don't do XYZ and then she stops and looks at me, so then i quickly say, baby no do the XYZ? baby very nice". So the second part is a question and then praise for just having stopped. This tends to curb the rebellious streak and i find that my child tries hard to please me because i praise her so much for it...Kids love praise and will do anything to get it!